Up "late" and learning something from the Lord....

I got in bed fairly early tonight, but I was unable to sleep... coming upon the realization that I am having some serious commitment issues in my life....
There are days when I make plans for my life, like dieting, or exercising, or getting up early, or finding ways to save money, or being the "best wife ever",and it seems as if my "COMMITMENT" to all these things never comes to fruition!
I am ashamed to say that all of these failures are small in comparison to the failure that I have made in regards to the most important One in my life. At the age of 5, I commited my life to Jesus Christ, but it seems as if that commitment waxes and wanes with the status of my life. This commitment should not be partial but it should be a full-blown, life-long, never failing commitment to serve Him, grow in Him, and live a life that is pleasing to Him ALL the days of my life!
So, tonight my heart has been crushed with the realization that I may have commited my life to the Lord at a very young age, but there are times when no one would even know that I am a Christian.
I totally understand why many unbelievers say that Christians are hypocrites.... because I know that I am... I say that I want to "live my life for Christ", but DO I?  I am FINALLY beginning to understand that it is impossible live a life of commitment without Jesus Christ being your "driver".
You know that kids song "I'm in the Lord's Army"? I was thinking about the fact that we, as Christians, are in the Lord's army... but that does NOT mean that we run things! In the army (of the Lord), we must follow what our Leader tells us to do, and we are to trust that He will lead us through battle (life) without relying or straying from His commands... or else we are a hopeless little soldier lost in the battlefield (of life) without anyone to save us but ourselves... and that is just a hopeless case!
I hope that tonight my realization stays fresh in my heart and in my head so that I never give up on my commitments to Jesus, to my husband, or even to myself....